9 Ways to Pick Yourself Up After Failing

    • December 7, 2022
    • Veronika Childs

    You often hear sayings like “failure isn’t final” but that does not stop it from feeling that way. There was a time when even the thought of failure would keep me from trying.

    I lived a lot of my life on the sidelines because I was afraid. Afraid of failure, afraid of success, afraid of being seen. It was not until I started going after my dreams that I realized how true these sayings are. Failure is not final and failure isn’t fatal either.

    There is nothing to fear, but fear itself is another saying that proved to be true. Once I started to live my life, I realize that all the “what ifs” in my head were just that, they were in my head. That is not to say that I didn’t face obstacles, but most of the time, those obstacles didn’t even come close to the disasters I had envisioned.

     

     

    I have had the pleasure of interviewing a variety of people on my podcast and guess what? Most of them were afraid at some point, most of them had self-doubt too. But it was not until they pushed past the fear and took action that their life started to change.

    Every successful person who I have spoken to were not just suddenly successful. They made choices, they took action, and they continued to take that “next step.”

    I have learned that when you move, each micro-movement builds momentum. Each time I took one of these small steps, I proved to my subconscious that most of my fears were unfounded. Each one of these steps made me stronger, better, smarter, especially those that were “failures.” And guess what? Most of the fears that I had envisioned never happened and the ones that happened did not end me.

    Failure is simply a stepping-stone on your way to success. Of course, this does not mean that it’s easy to deal with or something that should be taken lightly, but how you deal with failure will determine not only your future success, but also how easy it will be to achieve.

     

    The guests on the podcast have taught me so many things but one theme that carried through ever single interview I conducted was the concept that your mindset makes a dramatic difference.

     

     

    Everyone has different coping mechanisms and ways they react to failure. However, learning these techniques has helped me enormously and I hope they will help you too.

    How to pick yourself up after you fail:

    1. Learn From Each Failure

    There is a lesson each time you fail. Discover what this lesson is and keep it in mind during future attempts at success. If you do not learn from your failure, you’ll keep repeating the same mistakes. Let’s say you put on an event, and it was an unqualified disaster, you can sit there and berate yourself but that does not change what has already happened. 

    Ask yourself: “now what?.” “I put on this event, and it was terrible, but now what? I can’t change what happened, but I can make a choice to learn from it and do it differently next time.”  

    2. Forge Ahead

    It is completely normal to feel like giving up when you’re first hit by failure. The most important part of failure is what you do afterwards. So, strive to have confidence in yourself. I know that this can be difficult because I really struggled with this concept. The thought was how can I have confidence in myself if I have never achieved anything because I never had the confidence to try? 

    What I didn’t realize is that confidence does not just happen, it is built. You build that confidence by moving forward, by taking action, by taking that next step. Whether you are embarking on a new journey or you feel like you have been on this journey for miles there is one thing that my Alignment Coach said to me that changed EVERYTHING. “Focus on the effort, not the outcome.”

     

    There are too many variables in life that will affect the way things work out and a lot of them are out of our control. Focusing on the outcome will only contribute to the fear. If you focus on what you can do, on your next step then no matter what the outcome is, you know that you did what needed to be done. 

    If you did not get the outcome, you were expecting or wanting, then it is time to reevaluate, pivot and take another step.  You never know this experience; this failure may very well be your last step before you reach success! Then again, maybe not but at the very least you will gain confidence with each step you take.

    3. Surround Yourself with Good People

    It is a good idea to be surrounded by like-minded and positive people. This is especially important when you are dealing with the negative emotions that may accompany failure.

    Negative people will encourage you to quit “for your own good” or worse yet, they will join your inner critic in berating you for your failure.

     Positive people will inspire you to pick yourself up and go further than you thought you could go.

    These “positive people” do not have to come from your current list of friends or family. Sometimes we do not have that in our lives. Sometimes we grow up in a toxic environment, sometimes a lifetime of negative thought patterns has attracted other like-minded and negative people. Sometimes we spend so much hiding ourselves that it can be difficult to open up and make friends. Whatever the case may be, now is the time to change that. 

    For me, the easiest way to find a group of sportive people was to look online. There are subreddits, Facebook groups and other forums for just about any gender, age group, career topic or goal. Sometimes these will not always work out but don’t be afraid to try these techniques when you feel like you have failed at “people-ing” too.

    4. Set Goals

    If you have failed at a large task, think about setting smaller, immediate goals. A big goal can seem so daunting. It is easy to lose motivation and momentum if your goal is “too big.” That is not to say that you shouldn’t dream big. By all means, please dream big. But let’s say your goal was to author a novel. If that if you leave it at that, the task can seem so looming that you hesitate and procrastinate. Or you may find yourself losing motivation and momentum a few chapters in.

    But what if you told yourself, today I am going to write for 10 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour; today I am going to write a page, one thousand words, a chapter. Whatever goal you set, make it one that you can accomplish. Make doable and sustainable. If you wrote for 30 minutes each and every single day, how much will you have written in a week or a month. 

     If you build your way up to completing an arduous task using small steps, each step may not feel so overwhelming. When you congratulate and celebrate each of these smaller accomplishments your confidence will grow, and your momentum will accelerate. And when you are finished, you’ll be amazed at what you achieved!

    5. Vizualize Your Dreams

    Fight the negative thoughts that creep up after failure by visualizing yourself meeting your goal. Take the time to picture yourself successfully going through each step it will take to reach your goal. There are many guided meditation videos on YouTube that can guide you through this process. Consider making a vision board if you are a visual person. (Check out this video that I made on creating a vision board).

    6. Be Enthusiastic

    When you first set out to achieve something big, chances are you approached the task at hand with a great deal of enthusiasm. If you meet failure once or even several times, it is important to maintain the enthusiastic force to give you the energy and drive to continue toward your goal. A recent guest of the podcast suggested using the phrase “and that’s ok.” Especially when you feel those negative thoughts creeping in. “I fail again, and that’s okay” “My event was a disaster and that’s okay.” That simple phrase gives you an opportunity to accept what is. Once you accept what is, it is easier to take the next step. Remind yourself to focus on the effort, not the outcome. Ask yourself “now what,” what can I do differently, what can I do next?

     

    7. Write it Down

    Keep a journal that details your personal thoughts, goals, and attempts. It will help you stay organized and focused on success. Another good exercise is to write your goal on a piece of paper and place it somewhere where you can see it several times each day to remind yourself to take action toward this desire. Again, consider making a vision board if you are a visual person. (Check out this video that I made on creating a vision board).

    8. Don't Dwell in the Past

    The past does not have to be your present or future. Just because you had a setback, it doesn’t mean that it will continue to be the case. The only way to achieve your goals is to keep moving forward.

    Let’s face it some of us have a pretty checkered past but dwelling on it will not keep it from being true, or real. Dwelling on it will not make it go away. Dwelling on it will not change it. When have you been able to change something by just thinking about it? Your past doesn’t define you and it definitely doesn’t dictate your future.

    While your past doesn’t define, that’s not to say you shouldn’t work to resolve any issues that come up for you. Trust me, I did that for years and it’s not a viable long-term strategy. It led to a lot of prettying that everything was ok while feeling a massive amount of turmoil inside. Find a good therapist or a good coach to help you work through the issues that come up for you so that they don’t bleed into the life that you are building.

    9. Think About the Worst Case Scenario

    What’s the worst thing that can happen if you fail? Some people are so concerned with success and have such a horrible fear of failure that they don’t consider whether or not the worst-case scenario is all that bad! Realizing that failure may only mean a small delay toward your eventual success can alleviate some of your fears and give you the confidence to succeed.

    You can take this a step further and make a list of all the “worst-case scenarios” that you can think of. Take as much time as you need. When you finish your list, go back think of a solution you can implement if that scenario did happen. Is there anything that you can do ahead of time that will mitigate the chances of it happening.

    I used to be afraid of conducting interviews, what if I messed it up, what if I made a fool of myself? Then I realized, if I mess up, I can re-record the whole interview, if I mess up, I can edit the mistake, if I mess up I can laugh, and simply restate the question.  It’s really not that big of a deal. We are human, we make mistakes, life happens, obstacles pop up or get thrown onto our path, we get to choose how we handle it.

    Bonus Tip: Keep your momentum going

    What’s the worst thing that can happen if you fail? Some people are so concerned with success and have such a horrible fear of failure that they don’t consider whether or not the worst-case scenario is all that bad! Realizing that failure may only mean a small delay toward your eventual success can alleviate some of your fears and give you the confidence to succeed.

    You can take this a step further and make a list of all the “worst-case scenarios” that you can think of. Take as much time as you need. When you finish your list, go back think of a solution you can implement if that scenario did happen. Is there anything that you can do ahead of time that will mitigate the chances of it happening.

    I used to be afraid of conducting interviews, what if I messed it up, what if I made a fool of myself? Then I realized, if I mess up, I can re-record the whole interview, if I mess up, I can edit the mistake, if I mess up I can laugh, and simply restate the question.  It’s really not that big of a deal. We are human, we make mistakes, life happens, obstacles pop up or get thrown onto our path, we get to choose how we handle it.

    It’s likely that you can think of someone who set his or her mind on a goal and would stop at nothing to achieve it. It’s not just some kind of story or fantasy – it happens, people do this which means that you can do it too. This could be you, too! Adopt this drive and apply it to your situation. 

    When you believe in yourself and your abilities, you’ll gain the drive to keep moving forward. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. So put one foot in front of the other and just take it one step at a time. If you come across an obstacle, find a way through, under or around. If you end up at the wrong destination, pivot and try again. If you learn that no matter what you can and will keep going, that no matter what you won’t lose momentum, you’ll feel unstoppable. 

    When you hit a brick wall. Let face it sometimes life takes you by surprise and clobbers you. Sometimes you can use all the tools and techniques in your arsenal, and you still fall into old thinking problems. It happens. 

    I used to tell myself “Ugh, I’m here again. See this proves that I can’t do this. I keep ending up here. I keep ending up in the same place (self-loathing)” I would berate myself for hours, days, weeks, a lifetime. I am still healing, I still get clobbered from time to time but even when it brings me to a grinding halt, it is less intense, and I recover a lot quicker. 

    The path to healing and the path to success are not linear. Sometimes you will take detours, go backwards, do a loop, or turn in the wrong direction. It happens. Forgive yourself and keep going. And if you are like me and have a tough time forgiving yourself for anything, then at least accept it for what it is and make a choice to move forward. I promise, it is worth it.

     

     

    Veronika Childs

    Author & Speaker

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